The Story

In December 2020, just three days before Christmas, I was in my living room dancing with my 2 year old daughter to Christmas songs. The fireplace was lit and my husband was just outside of the house chopping firewood. 2020 was a hard year for everyone. Tonight, however, I was overflowing with joy. I was pregnant with our second child, and I was overwhelmed with God's goodness in this blessing. Just a few moments later I was staring at blood, in pain, weeping because I knew what was happening. I curled up under my Christmas tree; I prayed and prayed. In this moment, I knew I was losing my baby.

Though I was devastated, God quickly comforted me. He gave me opportunity to allow Him to use the pain I was experiencing for His glory. It was a lesson I couldn't have taught myself. He was gracious to me. I named my baby 'Glory' in remembrance of the truth He poured out on my heart.

In May of 2021, I experienced my second miscarriage. This time was different than the first. This time the pain I felt did not give way. I was confused, even angry. I poured myself into distraction after distraction. It was a dark time in my mind and heart. I wanted to cling onto what I already knew, but this loss didn't make sense to me. What was I supposed to learn from this? What purpose did God have for this pain?

I attended a miscarriage support. I feel horrible to say, I don't think I was ready even then. I still had a lot of heartbreak surfacing throughout. I still had a lot of truth to find and believe. There were a lot of questions I still harbored. One thing that did stand out to me then was a verse that was shared:

Isaiah 55:13 "Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper, instead of briers the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord's renown; an everlasting sign that will last forever."

That verse summed up how I felt. I felt like I was caught in a thornbush. I felt as if briers were pushing in at me on all sides. But that promise: "will grow the juniper."

That promise reminded me of what I already knew: God restores the broken things. He cultivates life where there once was death. He brings hope out of destruction; and beauty out of brokenness.

I named my second baby 'Juniper.'

God had placed pregnancy and infant loss on my heart long before I experienced it. Even years before, while I was serving as the Client Services Coordinator for our pregnancy center, I got the privilege to be a support person for a client that had experienced a miscarriage. At that time, I couldn't locate services or resources geared towards this type of grief. So we would meet on Thursdays and I would listen. I would find resources for the things my client struggled with as she struggled with them. Such as: what the bible says about forgiveness if my client was struggling to forgive etc. We met for quite some time. I always wished I had more to offer her in terms of a well-planned program, but God had to take me on a detour to get there.

Months after naming my baby Juniper, God started to tug on my heart again. He was peeling back different layers of grief and lies and revealing biblical truth to me in various ways.

He was painting a picture with my story, and He was calling me to use it to help others.

Writing the Juniper Glory program has helped me heal in ways that I cannot accurately express.

He redeems each part of my story in the most beautiful and unexpected ways.

In January of 2023 I closed out my first client's journey through the program with a memorial service. Since then I have been walking with women who are suffering from pregnancy and infant loss. I have been given an amazing blessing; God is using my story and the stories of my babies, to impact women who are struggling. He is taking a dark chapter of my life and making it into something beautiful and eternal in the lives of others.

The beauty that has come from the brokenness that I have experienced is every client that comes into this program devastated, and leaves knowing they are fully seen, loved and held; they leave with a renewed sense of hope and a deeper understanding of God.

The beauty from this brokenness is also YOU.

You who take on this cause as your own. You who walk with the brokenhearted. You who allow God to use you to love others, displaying Jesus' heart for women in their grief.

There are still many things God is comforting me with, and I know every time He does, He gives me the strength to comfort someone else.

If you have experienced pregnancy/infant loss or infertility, I want you to know how loved you are. That God sees you, you are not alone, and He has purpose for even this.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."